X … Xorxoxa

viking

Although his presence is manifest in today’s world, few people other than scholars remember Xorxoxa, the Celtic-Druidic god of minor incomprehensibilities. He occupies a critical position in the pantheon, not capable of the miracles wrought by the greater gods, and unable to claim credit for everyday events that can be rationally explained. Squeezed remorselessly by the rise of science and higher education on the one hand and the ascendancy of mystical religions and superstitious beliefs on the other, Xorxoxa is a middle-class god, politely sceptical, often apologetic and permanently slightly confused. Had there been towns of any size two to three thousand years ago, Xorxoxa would have been the god of the bourgeoisie.

The creation myth of the ancient Celtic tribes had the gods create our world as both a plaything and a battleground, so that they could fight each other without messing up their own heavenly abode. This act of creation was a miracle, to be understood only by the gods themselves. A particularly subversive god, the proto-Satan, added mankind and gave him the gift of reasoned thought so that in the intervals of rest between their battles the gods could have people to argue with. But Nerrvox, the god of apprehension, worried that these creatures, these people given reasoning minds, might actually win some arguments; this would destroy the whole belief sysem of the gods and cause social disruption in the heavens. A compromise was reached whereby the godling Xorxoxa was born of mixed human and godly parentage and charged with providing fuzzy borders, a no-mans-land of things and concepts that are unworthy to be called miraculous yet baffle the best brains of men and gods alike.

Some modern examples may help clarify Xorxoxa’s fiefdom. Arithmetic falls within the bounds of reason and its logic is valid, while the integral calculus is a pure mystery reserved for the high priests of mathematics. But between them lie algebra and differential calculus, barely comprehensible to the majority of men and therefore in the province of Xorxoxa. They are arguable concepts, but the arguments become so confusing that they are generally abandoned and both sides withdraw in favor of a cold beer or two. On a grander scale there are derivative financial instruments and the legal fiction that some banks are too big to be brought down. They make no sense but can hardly be attributed to divine intervention, so Xorxoxa regulates them in his muddled way. Most government functions fall into similar categories. Other examples of his work are the technologically impressive cell-phones that can only complete one call in eleven; Xorxoxa runs their networks and in a moment of wicked perversity named them smart-phones. Medical billing practices are yet another good example, completely irrational but certainly not divine.

In ancient times the powers of Xorxoxa were equally vast and unpredictable. In the year 628, give or take a couple, the Viking chieftain Svenska Svensdottir led a punitive raid against the Scottish usurper Sigurd the Stinking. Victorious, she rode back North to where her longships were beached, carrying Sigurd’s head in a sack-cloth bag dangling behind her saddle. One of Sigurd’s rotting teeth broke through the cloth and rubbed against the back of her calf, opening a wound which turned septic. In those days, it was understood that such a wound would fester and probably kill, but nobody knew why. It was clear that the gods, who had just granted her vicory in battle, were not responsible for her injury. So Xorxoxa was considered responsible and the march was interrupted to appease him with suitable ritual sacrifices. Taking advantage of their halting and their distraction, Sigurd’s bastard son Gordie attacked by night, scattering the Vikings and regaining his dubious kingdom. That started the dynasty which fostered the Celtic trading network from Caithness via Brittany to the Pyrenees; it might have altered the entire history of Europe, but Xorxoxa forgot what he was about and moved on to the Reformation instead.

Xorxoxa has his uses, for those who know how to manipulate his interfering presence. He was the inspiration for this post when all the X-words in the English language proved unappealing or obscure. I am now the local expert on Xorxoxa, a claim which is short of miraculous but impossible to disprove.

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Also find these older posts…
A … Autonomy
B … Bear
C … Corporations
D … Doggerel
E … Elephant
F … Francis
G … Gamechanger
H … Hope
I … Introduction
J … Judgment
K … Kelemenope
L … Liberty
M … Morning
N … Nuts
O … Old Friend
P … Potholes
Q … Quasimodo
R … Review
S … Snoozers
W … Weather
Y … Yukon