T … Topsy-Turvy


“Meet you for lunch at Agatha’s, hon,” Jane called to her husband Jeff as she turned in to the Hair ‘n There Styling Salon. Jeff waved to her, walked another block and found refuge from the sun in Billy-Bob’s Bar n’ Barbershop. “Time for a quick trim?” he asked and was waved into the vacant chair.

“How about ole Turvy, then?” Billy-Bob asked with a sly smile. “He gonna be the answer to your eight-year prayer?”

“Shut up, Billy-Bob. You know my folks are from Guatemala and my wife’s family still lives in Turkey. Turvy’s all mouth, and maybe he don’t know what he’s saying, but his threats of throwing us out of the country still scare me. He don’t want my vote, he ain’t gonna get it.”

“You’ve voted his party ticket all your life. You gonna change now?”

“Hate to do it, but I’ll have to. Self-defense.”

“He don’t mean what he says. I’m pretty sure.”

“Yeah, right. But just in case, I’ll have to vote agin him.”


“Same color again, Jane?” asked Steve, the stylist.

“No, something darker. I don’t want to be a Topsy look-alike,” Jane giggled.

“You don’t like Topsy? She’ll be a first if she wins the election. And you’ve always been a progressive at heart. She’s promising all kinds of good things, a better land for all of us.”

“Topsy’s Promised Land? Steve, she’s incapable of doing things, let alone doing them right. Only election she’s ever won was handed her on a plate, all she had to do was up-sticks and move into a safe constituency. She has a one-hundred per cent record of failure, disastrous policies, neglect of basic responsibilities that came with her jobs. I can’t vote for her.”

“Surely you wouldn’t vote against her, my dear?”

“Might have to, no matter how much it would stick in my throat. Turvy scares me, but only for four years; Topsy winning would set back all my causes for a whole generation.”


“Hi, Svetlana, you still waitressing for Agatha?”

“Da, always. You’ll both have your usual?”

“You betcha. You naturalized yet?”

“Da, but so what?”

“”Who will you be voting for?”

“Not voting. Why bother?”

“Well, I’m voting agin Turvy. Hate the feller’s ignorance.”

“Really, Jeff? I’m voting against Topsy, hate her incompetence.”

“You both voting against, not voting for? In USSR we did elections better.”

“How’s that, Svetlana?”

“Like you, Party nominates candidate. But not like you, only one. More efficient.”

“Just one candidate? Did you all like him?”

“Nyet, we all hate candidate, but he always get ninety-nine per cent vote.”

“How come, if you didn’t like him?”

“Candidate always corrupt apparatchik. If people not like, Party replace him with corrupt psychopath apparatchik. If people still not like, then corrupt psychopath cannibal apparatchik. Always smart to vote for first one, else gets worse. So ninety-nine per cent, always.”


“So how did we get this situation, Jane? Both voting against our principles because the alternative’s even worse?”

“Dunno, Jeff. Maybe it’s time for another revolution.”

“Reform would be better, less blood on the street.”




Also find these older posts…
A … Autonomy
B … Bear
C … Corporations
D … Doggerel
E … Elephant
F … Francis
G … Gamechanger
H … Hope
I … Introduction
J … Judgment
K … Kelemenope
L … Liberty
M … Morning
N … Nuts
O … Old Friend
P … Potholes
Q … Quasimodo
R … Review
S … Snoozers
W … Weather
X … Xorxoxa
Y … Yukon

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IP Doorman

Copyright 2016 Flight of Eagles

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Writer of Kern.

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